***Note: This isn’t the topic-du-jour, but I just want to give a shout-out to The Belladonna for sending me a questionnaire about that humor piece of mine they ran on their website. Those lovely editors put up my answers to their questionnaire on Friday. I wanted to let you know in case I can create a little extra traffic for them since they so kindly created traffic for me. It’s the least I can do! It was already an honor to be published on their site. The questionnaire was the icing on top. You can see it here. ❤️
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Dear Friends,
Last week, I did something daring, at least by my standards.
No, I didn’t go ax throwing. Or bathe in the Reflecting Pool.
I wrote a Substack note and tagged ten literary agents.
Of course, I know they don’t bite! They, too, are human. But as gatekeepers to traditional publishers, it sometimes feels like they hold our literary fates in their hands.
Actually, for traditional publishing, they DO hold our literary fates in their hands.
Anyway, I decided to go for this daring bit of outreach because if there’s one thing that drives me bonkers, it’s when I get conflicting advice about how to control my literary fate. And last week, I bumped into a vexing issue that I could clarify with the help of the agents themselves. So since I’m ever-so-slowly querying on my latest novel (a GenX rom-com — I’ve written about it here), and now that I’m on Substack with so many engaged literary agents, I saw an opportunity that I couldn’t pass up.
Here’s the story. Hopefully it will be of interest whether or not you’re not trying to get traditionally published.
My head-scratching moment, the one that led to my note, arose because I recently signed up to do a workshop on writing a query letter for my current novel. In that workshop, a literary agent worked with a handful of us—a bunch of fiction writers— to help us perfect our query letters. For those of you who don’t know, a query letter is a dastardly bugger that is the foundational document you send to literary agents in the hope they might want to take you on as a client. That letter is your sales pitch. Most agents want the letters to be a total of 250-350 words, which is impossibly short because you need to include comp titles, a bio, and of course the pithiest imaginable plot summary. If you’re writing fiction, boy, your protagonist better be special! And he/she better have some seriously great problem to solve with high stakes.
Oh, and that mind-blowing plot description better be less than 200 words.
Query letters suck.
But honestly, I’ve been writing query letters for a long time, and it’s always sucked to write them. No shock there. The issue is that query letters suck even more now and here’s why: Literary agents are so swamped with letters from people like me (and you!? hopefully?!) that word-on-the-street is agents now need a Reader’s Digest version of your <200-word plot summary to see if they even want to bother reading the summary!
That’s right. Now, there seems to be a new call for an additional one-sentence pitch in your query letter as a time-saver.
That’s right. Now, there seems to be a new call for an additional one-sentence pitch in your query letter as a time-saver.
Friends, you gotta have sympathy for agents. The reason they seem to want this additional, pithier version of your already-pithy plot summary isn’t just because they have to read about 1000 query letters each month. That’s bad enough. They also have to send a one-sentence pitch to editors, who also get a gazillion submissions every month from literary agents. In other words, editors need a time-saver too.
Put differently, all of these publishing professionals want to find wonderful new books, but they don’t even have time to look for them!
Anyway, I figured, okay, sure. I can write a one-sentence pitch. And let me do a shout-out to Karin Gillespie, aka The Pitch Doctor, who’s fantastic at helping with them.
But remember that conference I told you about? The one I was in with the literary agent helping us write our query letters? Well, after spending weeks refining my one-sentence pitch, the one that I heard every literary agent now wants in the query letter, the literary agent leading my group told us she didn’t want a one-sentence pitch. She said to leave all plot description for the plot summary.
Friends, this isn’t my first querying rodeo, but I still got kinda bucked off the bronco with that one. Our literary agent explained that in her world, one-sentence pitches are redundant. She wants query letters to be closer to 250 words, so there’s no space for redundancy.
Boy, ain’t that the truth. I don’t think I could tell you what I had for breakfast in less than 250 words.
So friends, I repeat,
Of course, being a little exasperated by the response from that literary agent—okay, maybe a lot exasperated — I was desperate for clarity.
That’s when I reached out to the ten, lovely, Substacking literary agents asking them to please advise. And I did it with a poll asking a simple question:
Do you, or don’t you, want a one-sentence pitch in your query letter?
And bless their hearts, seven of them answered the poll question. They are heroes, people! And in case some of you might be querying, five of them left comments, too, and they deserve a shout-out: Erin C. Niumata Danielle Bukowski Nikki Carrero, Literary Agent, Tali Shammas, and Madelyn Knecht. They all have great Substacks, and you can check out the note I wrote to them here. The info is so helpful if you’re querying. We can all be so grateful to them for the intel!!
Anyway, the results of the poll tell a story: 5 out of the 7 agents said YES, include a one-sentence pitch.
If you’re thinking I did a happy dance because the results are pretty clear, I didn’t do one, and here’s why: Because if we include the agent leading my workshop, we now have 5 out of 8 agents saying include a pitch.
Sure, it’s a majority. I’d take 5 out of 8 voters pulling the lever for Democrats in the midterms!!
But in my poll, I’d have much preferred to see a bigger landslide.
I’m afraid that like so many things in this querying game, or even the publishing game, it comes down to the preference of the specific agent or editor.
And that, friends, is something I’m finally, FINALLY, starting to accept.
I started out this post saying I really was hoping for clarity—and I was. And in some ways, thanks to the 7 agents who answered my poll, I did get some answers. And if in doubt, I’ll probably include a one-sentence pitch. But in the end, I only really got clarity for each of them as individuals, not for them as a group, and if there’s a message in here, at least for me, it’s bigger than querying.
Publishing, I’m afraid, is a mysterious business. It’s translucent, at best, without any consistency. You need talent but also luck. And most of us won’t be able to control the result, not if we’re striving to be traditionally published.
I haven’t given up on traditional publishing, not at this point, but I’m afraid I can’t force success, much as I wish I could.
Yes, I’ll always try to give an agent what they want to see in my query letter if I can figure it out. And figuring out what agents want to see in their inboxes can include taking a few risks, like reaching out to ten of them at the same time to take a poll. It also includes creating a manuscript I think they can sell, as long as I don’t surrender what makes a story mine.
But if I can’t figure it out?
I guess it’s like anything else I might really want but might not get — a well-paying job, perfect health in my old age, a clutter-free closet.
After I give it my best shot, it’s good to keep my fingers crossed but also move on. Not just in querying, but in life.
Wow. I really must be getting frickin’ old. I’m starting to see something like acceptance.
Until next time!
xo,
Diane
At this point, I am starting to think maybe it is easier to get "a well-paying job, perfect health in my old age, a clutter-free closet" than to get a literary agent. 😢
I think it may have something to do with chemistry, like we love some Substack writers a lot more than others, or falling in love, but we can't explain exactly how it happened.
Regardless, you are one of the most talented writers I know. Whether you get an agent or not, that is a FACT! 👍🙏
Kid, you have moxie. Bless your heart!
I think the most important thing to do when querying (which is also the most tedious part of the process), is to read each agent's wish list and preferences, and if they don't mention the format of the query letter, then look at the agency's submission requirements. It can't guarantee that they'll read your sub, but it will definitely avoid irking them and ruining your chances.
May the force be with you, oh brave of heart!